the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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