Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
