giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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