all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
zippers are such a cool invention
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
