did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
