a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
