If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
