never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Never underestimate the power of titties
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
