You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize