Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
