I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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