You can't motorboat a personality
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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