just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I believe in your delicious
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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