Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
