We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
