weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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