I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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