The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
