Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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