no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
