hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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