Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
