you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
