either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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