Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
