you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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