WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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