Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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