A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
