Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
