Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
