I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
