The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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