so that wasnt chicken after all
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
