Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
