So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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