morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize