There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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