RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize