there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
