Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
