That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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