just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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