Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize