I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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