I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
