Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
