Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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