i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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