Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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