I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
