I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
