Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
