Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
only you would photoshop your dick
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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