In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
