I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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