You're my little dorito
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
