We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
