guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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