I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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