He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize