Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
