I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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