Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
