you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
