remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
