Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
is it fun? or sober?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
