Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
how does that bad decision feel?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
