haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
