Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
