There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
