I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
