And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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