The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Randomize
