The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
