i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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