Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am mentally ready for anal.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize