The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
