We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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