How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
